LOL What?

In order to reach a wider audience Cake Defined has opted to sacrifice a portion (read: all) artistic integrity and will attempt to incorporate new, mainstream trends in the form of LOL cats. Yes, LOL cats. What's a LOL cat you ask? Well, it is hard to explain since neither cats, nor cheeseburgers exist in Europe, but the LOL cat is much like a small European child, discovering new wants and desires in the land of 'cake.' Let us look at one of the original LOL cats and draw the similarities so that my friends of Euro-centric origins can understand.

First and foremost we are drawn to the cat's horrendous spelling and grammar. Many that are new to the land of 'cake' are not completely familiar with the language of their hosts, and nor do they have to be. The 'cake' dialect is a hard one to master. Poor grammar and pronunciation abound in Euro children, through no fault of their own, with all the "vhat's" "vhere's" and "vhy's." Here is a clear cut comparison between 'cake' and Euro when saying the exact same thing:

CAKE: Why would you perform a task in that manner? It is far more efficient when done this way.
NEWLY ARRIVED EURO FRIEND: Vhy for you do zhat? It no make a sense.

I blame non-'cake' parents with their stubborn insistence on only speaking the tongue of the old country. This clearly handicaps the integration of their children into 'cake' society by making them sound like a cat of the LOL variety rather than the functional literates they could be.

The second similarity between LOL cat and Euro kid is the desire for what would otherwise be considered absurd in their respective native environments - the cheezeburger. It is not absurd to think Euro kids would desire beef (see previous entries regarding the eating of India's sacred cows) and cheese (see previous entry referencing Euros' love of cheese … probably the same one referencing the eating of the sacred cows). Christ, the kid is no doubt lured by the promise of ham, as a HAMburger would insinuate. Pork obsession aside, there is no reasonable explanation why a Euro child would ask for a food he or she has otherwise never heard of. The same could be said for LOL cat. How does that cat know what a 'cheezeburger' is? They don't exist in cat society, well … no more than they exist in European childhoods. Should a Euro kid ask, the child is clearly mimicking what he or she overheard in a 'cake' school's cafeteria. There is no understanding of the words leaving the mouth. Should this broken English question be asked at home, rather than school, there would no doubt be repercussions for our unwitting adolescent. Mama no like the cheezeburgers.

Should that question be asked in a European kitchen and a beating NOT ensue, mama, or potentially papa, would end up becoming a LOL cat themselves with their predictable response. Behold mama Euro LOL cat and the future of Cake Defined …

I don't think any further explanation is required. Any Euro child should immediately see their mother in that picture. All the elements are there:

1. Broken 'cake' dialect.
2. Reference to the 'old contree.'
3. Typical Euro garb.
4. Denial of all things 'cake.'

My name is Coco and your parents are an inspiration for future pictures of cats.