Euro-inspired Cake

This next featured delicacy of the 'cake' culture is one that is not solely 'cake,' but one that was inspired by our Euro brothers and sisters, though they'd deny it vehemently. It was created with the intent to bridge our differences, to help alleviate the great divide between Euro folk and their current 'cake' hosts here in the land of 'cake.' Unfortunately, that has not happened. What has resulted is the further division of our cultures with the 'Euros' thrown back in absolute disgust at 'cake' ingenuity. Rather than see the olive branch of inclusion, parents from their respective motherlands looked down upon what they considered an abomination of edible goodness. They then passed their disdain for this specific 'cake' creation on to their children, poisoning the relationship of little 'cakes' and Euro kids in elementary school lunch rooms across the country. It was to be a divisive force, this food, rather than the great uniter it was intended to be. That 'cake' creation I refer to is none other than macaroni cheese loaf. Stay with me foreign friends, this is where we become 'one.'

I suppose the name "macaroni and cheese loaf" leaves much to be desired, but the tastes and textures within said loaf does not. If one looks at the majestic packaging of the loaf, it screams "Euro treat!" Let us break it down into categories of goodness in terms the children of Europe will understand.

1. Pork: Europeans love their schnitzels, especially those of the reputed pork variety. They eat it like candy, having it for dessert or sneaking it into European movie theaters so they don't have to pay inflated theatre prices for it. In the land of 'cake' the theaters don't sell schnitzels, so they sneak it in as a tribute to the home country. This is why those of European origins should love the loaf. The loaf that harbors the macaroni and cheese is primarily pork, yes, the very meat Euro dreams are made of.

2. Macaroni: This needs very little explanation because macaroni is a pasta and pasta is one of the national foods of Europe. It is as sacred in Euroland as cows are in India - except Europeans eat pasta and then eat India's cows. There is no limit to which Europe's offspring will go to in order to sink their teeth into pasta and other people's sacred animals.

3. Cheese: Europeans love cheese so much they named an entire region in homage of this delicious dairy byproduct. Perhaps you've heard of Swissland. The Euro union flag is blue, aptly chosen after their love of blue cheese, which isn't actually blue, but there is no colour called 'cheddar,' though if there was you can be sure the flag would have been that colour. If you look at any European deli / store, there is always cheese in the picture. Prove that statement wrong.

So a conundrum exists - why do those of Euro descent not love a food that includes all three of their favorite foods? Why not let their children experience all the foods Euros love in one single mouthful? Is it because the parents themselves weren't able to stuff their faces with all three simultaneously when they were young? Jealousy is the only reason Euro parents would have scared their kids from this 'cake' enigma known as macaroni cheese loaf. They say it will be disgusting as they spoon shovel haggis down their children's collective throats.

Suffer no more for your parent's jealousy! Enjoy the olive branch 'cake' have extended in the form of an all-inclusive sandwich meat in which Euro taste-buds can be treated to all their favorite delicacies in a singular, euphoric bite!

My name is Coco and 'cake' food is world peace waiting to happen!