Spring of 2011 is upon us!

As Spring is steadily, if not painstakingly slowly, making its way into the land of 'cake,' more and more Euro parents are finding their way back to the proverbial 'old country.' They do this by way of tradition, not actually making the journey back home. No, that pilgrimage is for later in life - another topic for a later date. Having crossed the Atlantic, home is here now, in the land of 'cake.' Euro seniors, however, are taking this opportunity and coming together in a reactionary movement to keep their children Eurofied. Enter Spring, the Euro pre-harvest season. It is the season of ploughing, planting and forced child labour under the guise of 'remembering one's roots.' Euro children are always fed this line in a hopeless attempt to keep them from the inevitable assimilation into 'cake,' as if passing judgement on the 'cake's extraordinary ability to import foreign foods from exotic Florida, USA and Chile, Mexico. Yes, Spring is upon us and there is no better confirmation than looking out your window and seeing the local European mother surveying her land, planning for the season ahead. See Fig.1

Fig.1

These moms are an annual sight in the land of 'cake' whether you're in the thriving metropolis of Toronto, Ontario or rural Somewhere, Manitoba. All you have to do is look out your window and hearty Euro moms are planting crops on land not zoned for agricultural purposes and that's how you know that Spring has arrived. Behold their rustic, manual hand tools and ox-less ox carts dragged across field and front lawn alike. I can't help but admire their Luddite tendencies; the swelling pride in their unwillingness to embrace technology. One word: admirable. Who needs an easier life? Not mama. Just ask her. This is in great contrast to what 'cake' parents are doing.

'Cake' look to the consistency of year round, non-seasonal cans to produce food (Fig. 2) rather than the insect-infested, manure-soaked dirt referred to as soil. This allows 'cake' to spend their time productively sitting on patios, drinking wonderful variations of liquor-infused cocktails while pre-teen 'cake' are watching the little 'cakes' at home, thus preparing them for the inevitable teenage pregnancy 'cake' girls are inexplicably susceptible to. Euro girls are instead tending their parents' fields or remaining chaste by serving at the local convent.

Fig.2

"Look Gordie, that can is birthing a whole chicken!"


Euro life beckons many like a sultry siren, away from the over-indulgent 'cake' life of smart phones, processed foods and electricity. It doesn't make much sense to a 'cake' like myself, but to those who dare to enter Europa, they are treated to a world full of simplistic, dignified pain. Unfortunately, this doesn't help Euro girls prepare for motherhood. Who has the upper hand now? Nostrovia!

My name is Coco and I'm a closet urban farmer!